how i wish

woke-up one morning my cellphones ringing...

pick it up and heard a familliar voice...

it's my long lost girlfriend...

haven't heard any from her for the past two years...

we had a little chat...

the conversation goes well...

then suddunly she ask me...

"would you belive me if i tell that we have a child?"

shocked...

i paused for a little...

then i asked her..

"is it a boy or is it a girl?"

she replyed...

"a boy"

i don't know what to feel...

i don't know what to say...

i was so overjoyed by what she said...

i always wanted a kid...

a son to call my own...

it's the reality of my dreams...

i asked her again...

"can i see him?"

she said "no..."

disappointed

i asked her again...

"why... i'm he's father... i have my rights..."

that's the time that she told me what happened...

before she left me and went to their province...

she didn't  knew that shes pregnant that time...

she got drunk one night...

went to the comfort room...

slide her feet and fell to the ground...

went unconscious...

the next thing she knew she's lying on a hospital bed...

the doctors told her that she had a micarriage...

that was the only time that she knew that she was pregnant...

she never did have the strength to contact me again...

she were so afraid that i might get mad at her if i found out what happened...

for two long years she hides from me...

i listened to her stories...

teary eyes...

can't speak...

can't absorb the thoughts that i have a child...

and haven't even have the chance to hold her...

i paused...

then this words come out my mouth...

"i don't wanna hear another word from you again!!!"

"don't ever call me again!!!"

"i hate you!!!"

then i hung up...

i hate the day she ran away...

none of this would've happened...

if she stays..

i would've been a good father...

i guess?

how wish he was born...